I'm too young to panic this much

I'll admit this much: I am a very restless person. I don't settle well or very easily; in fact, I am very jittery and worry about a lot of things all the time. So it should come as no surprise that I want to resign from my current job, after only being employed for 6 months. I know, I know: "why waste a good thing when it's already there", and "at least you're not unemployed" should be my consideration. But I've been thinking about where my life is going (like I said I worry, a lot) and I realized that it's time to put my foot down and assert what I want. So I have been looking and applying to agencies/institutions/companies/offices before handing in my resignation letter so that I have at least some direction to move forward to. But it seems like, I might just end up with nowhere to go. See the thing is, I have an idea of what I want but I don't know if it wants me.

I've sent out all these applications and so far my efforts have been rewarded with: "Thank you for sending your application, we will get back to you as soon as possible," (which actually translates to "No Thanks we'll pass this time") and the more straight-forward "Thank you for sending-in your application. We regret to inform you that you do not qualify for the position." Ouch. Just. What. Am. I. Doing. Wrong?

This 'job-hunting' is giving me a full-on existential crisis. It's like standing in the middle of the bar while your friends get hit on by guys one by one, eventually leaving you all alone and grinning nervously while pondering on life ruining questions. Am I such an eye-sore? Am I not intelligent enough? Am I not good enough? That said, that myth that says going to a good school will you land you a good job is just plain shit. Not to sound snotty but I did go to a good school and did well, but it's not enough to make me a 'cut-above-the-rest'.

Maybe I should have considered my life much earlier when I still had the opportunity to fix it? How much opportunities did I waste? Who knows. But for know I'm going to still try my luck. Maybe this time this should be the resume I'm submitting:

So... JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE UNIVERSE!

So Goes The Summary Of My Life

Um, Hello. Yes, Hi.
I am alive.

So I guess this time I'm Chasing Moons

Once upon a time, I was reading through all my blog posts when I realized how incredibly ladened they were with personal thoughts, stuff no one really cares about, stuff I didn't really have to post, and FEELINGS. A hundred thousand one hundred and one FEELINGS.

Ladies and Gentlemen, FEELINGS ARE GROSS ON THE INTERNET. 

Well, at least my feelings. I sounded like a whiny kid who just has to tell the world about her life, or in this case, lack there-of. And as I browsed through other people's blogs and continually shrink in shame for all the things I had written on mine, I realized how aimless most of my entries had been. I think it's mostly because I'm trying to find in me an interesting life and I am frustrated by how elusive it is to me. So I retired from blogging for months and instead wrote excessively on my journal, which is now frayed and wrought with my gross feelings. (Poor thing. If it were alive, it would probably be limping all the way to the garbage can in an attempt to commit suicide because it can no longer bear my whining) By then, I was willing to delete my blog from internet existence because I was completely and utterly, uninspired.

Until one day, during a conversation at lunch in which I was telling them about the time I jumped-off the veranda because I thought I was Sailor Moon and my Tuxedo Mask will come and save me, my former boss told me about how I should type-up all these stories and sell them somewhere. Or you know, BLOG.

You can thank her for whatever atrocious/silly/stupid content you might encounter here. 

So hello, new blog. How do you do? I promise not to be so angsty now, thank you.